Based on your past relationships or history with dating, you may feel like you’re not good enough — or you don’t have the confidence you wish you had when it comes to meeting potential matches.

However, it’s really important that when you go out into the dating game, you give your date some grace… the next person you date doesn’t need to carry your baggage for you.

Often our feelings of inadequacy come from assuming what the other person is thinking, before you’ve given them the chance to prove to you that they want to get to know the real you. By doing this, you’re not only taking away their free will around their own thoughts, but you’re also doing yourself a disservice by telling yourself “they already think I’m not good enough” or “they already think I’m not for them”.

Ask yourself the hard-hitting questions

It can be hard, but when you catch yourself speaking to yourself in this way, I want you to instead look inward and ask the question ”how can I best show up as my most authentic self?”

Dating isn’t about showing up and performing. Much of the anxiety we can experience when dating comes from feeling the need to “perform”. Self doubt like “am I going to pass the test? Or are they going to like me?” can creep in and take hold before the date even begins, which automatically kills your confidence and allows anxiety to take over.

How about flipping the script to “am I going to like them?” Not only does this allow you to take a step back and access your own standards, it also allows you to step back into your own power.

Instead of showing up and treating your date like a job interview, I want you to get curious. Get curious about dating, get curious about who’s in the room, get curious about your date and ask questions that allow you to understand their authentic self.

Going into a date with a clean slate (even if you’ve been in each other’s DMs for a few weeks) will allow you to just be curious about who they really are, while letting them get to know who you really are. Not the person you think they want to know, but your authentic self.

Here are 3 tips to help you show up as your most authentic and confident self for your next date:

1. Be physically ready: You want to know what you’re wearing and be comfortable in your clothing. Don’t wear something that you normally wouldn’t wear because you're trying to show up to impress. If you’re feeling awkward physically – more often than not you will present awkwardly emotionally too. Choose something that you would wear on another occasion away from dating – remember, it’s not a performance!
   

2. Lose the expectations: Let go of the idea that you’re going to be judged if you don’t meet their standards in the way you speak, the answers you give and the vibe you portray. Additionally, don’t put too much pressure on the date. More often than not the first person you date isn’t going to be your soulmate. Instead treat your date as an opportunity to get curious, put yourself out there and just have fun!
   

3. Be your authentic self: Remember, your authentic self is your best self. The person you're dating wants to meet the real you, not a version of you that you think they will like. Eventually, the real you will come out anyway, so just embrace it!