How to find and keep lasting love

Ultimately, we all want love. We all want to feel love, give love, receive love, but if you’re going out with the expectation to find love… you’re going to be disappointed. It’s quite the catch-22!

For those singles that are searching for love… stop! This is your first mistake. Instead, what you first need to go out and find is connection. 

Have you ever heard the saying “your vibe attracts your tribe?”. As humans, we generally gravitate toward people who remind us of ourselves.

If you’re surrounded by people who have the same likes, interests and hobbies as you, and put yourself in situations where you are around like minded people, you’re more likely to find someone that you like within these groups, than you would in situations where you’re not really interested in what’s going on.

Finding the connections

Putting yourself in situations where people have the same interests as you will put you in the same room as like-minded people, who will in turn introduce you to people in their circle that you may not have met otherwise, but have a lot in common with.

The other thing you need to be conscious of are common values, which are really important in creating long lasting love. Finding people with shared values means you will share a similar outlook on the world, which will make things easier when tough conversations come up. 

Conversations like how you want to raise your kids, whether you should get married and generally how you want to live your life. If you’re looking for instant gratification or lust, this may feel good at the time, but if you have lust with no substance, it can be very short-lived.

Showing up for love

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, we all go through cycles individually. We’re forever evolving, so I think we should always be working on ourselves in some capacity. If you’ve had relationships that haven’t worked in the past, it’s important to figure out how you show up in a relationship and what type of person you are looking for, which will help you find lasting love.

Most importantly you need to think about what your attachment style looks like… because this could be the reason why you’re attracting the same kind of person every time you date. For example, do you have an anxious attachment style that attracts people who avoid you? Or attract people you become codependent with? 

Figuring out what is showing up for you and why, is the key to helping you in your next relationship. If you understand your attachment style and how you do relationships, this allows you to educate your current, or future partner to know what you need, and how they can help make you feel safe.

So, to recap - here’s 3 things you can do to help find and keep lasting love:

1. Find like minded individuals: if you’re interested in drawing, join an art class once a week. Or if you’re into hiking, join a hiking group! Putting yourself in these situations will get you out of your comfort zone, put you in the room with like-minded people, and widen your circle of friends, which will allow you to meet new people that you wouldn’t have met otherwise.
   

2. Write down your key values: Finding someone with common values is one of the most important parts in finding lasting love, so having a solid understanding of your own values will be key to connecting with someone who aligns with you, your morals and values.
   

3. Communicate your attachment style: If you understand your attachment style and how you do relationships, you can educate yourself and your partner. Conversations like “Hey, I have an anxious attachment style which means I need reassurance from you to feel safe and work through this attachment” will help create connection, while demonstrating to your partner that you’re willing to work through it for the long run.