Polyamory: Could seeing other people make your marriage better (and why)?

It can be scary to think about a life outside monogamy because we tend to be scared of the unknown. So what’s polyamory? In layman’s terms it means being in an open relationship, whether you have relationships with multiple people or you’re in a relationship with one person but are intimate with others.

Why is polyamory right for some people?

The concept is growing in popularity millennials and starting to strike the interest of married couples—famously Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith—and redefines what we believe the perfect relationship should look like. Most of us have grown up in a monogamy-centric household with the solemn idea that when we find ‘the one’ we proceed to get married and have kids like clockwork. While this ideology has worked for centuries, for some people it just isn’t in their DNA. Rather than being judgemental, try to look at polyamory from a different perspective.

What are the drawbacks of polyamory?

A polyamorous person will tell you that it definitely isn’t for everyone. Some people are prone to jealousy more than others and if polyamory sounds extremely unpleasant to you, that’s okay! Polyamory doesn’t work unless everyone involved is completely open and honest with one another as it encourages individuals to look inward and identify their feelings more often. The individuals involved are being open about their preference from the get-go, rather than cheating behind their partner’s back.

How can polyamory benefit my relationship?

Take a moment to think of your partner talking to an attractive person; they’re flirting, touching, making them laugh, and trying to pursue them in a romantic way. Identify your feelings – do you feel content and calm, nonchalant and indifferent, or full of jealous green-eyed rage? If it’s the last one, polyamory probably isn’t for you.

Free love, while trending, isn’t for everyone – but neither is monogamy. Polyamorous relationships are mostly about open lines of communication—and yes they still get jealous—but rather than ignoring those feelings, they talk to their partner and confront those insecurities together. This communication great way to keep in-tune with your partner and by acknowledging each other’s feelings it helps resolve a lot of molehills before they turn into mountains.

If you’re someone who is afraid of being cheated on, polyamory can actually help: by controlling how you both spend time with people outside your relationship, you can be intimate with others and come back to each other fulfilled, this way you both get it out of your system and appreciate your relationship when you reconnect.

Some polyamorous couples work because they can share their affection; you may not enjoy the same hobbies as your partner, or you can’t give 100% of your attention to them constantly but this can be fulfiled by someone else. By sharing your partner they can be cared for but still wanting to be with you when the day is over. This way one person isn’t solely reliant on the other to give them affection, thus releasing the pressure of always being switched on when you are together.

How do we try polyamory?

Talk with your partner about how they feel when it comes to opening your relationship, but you should set some ground rules before diving into the deep end. Assure your partner that this suggestion doesn’t mean you’re unhappy with the relationship, but may solve some unspoken issues. Experiment by opening communication and testing the waters before pursuing an additional relationship – some couples search for sexual partners only, while others are accepting to a deeper relationship outside their own.

There are no right and wrongs when it comes to polyamory. Each couple does what feels more comfortable for their relationship, with their communication and honesty making a world of difference – something many monogamous couples have trouble executing. The most important thing is to be comfortable, consensual and let your partner know what works best for you.