How to make the first move and ask him out

Though it’s 2021, women are still waiting and wishing for guys to make the first move when it comes to dating. It comes as no surprise, considering gender roles have been put in place for centuries and the expectation for women to play the inferior role in a relationship is still alive today.

What’s been built into our brains from society is that women are considered more desirable when they are courted – much like what we’ve seen in our favourite Bridgerton episodes, women didn’t have much choice when it came to who they’d marry unless they were courted by several suitors.

Today, women have more political freedom and are embracing their voices now more than ever, using their power to speak up about injustices, sexual harassment and the patriarchy as a whole, yet many women still wait for a guy to ask them out. It sounds a bit backwards when you think about it, though there are ways of changing the narrative when it comes to power and relationships.

When it comes to power, men aren’t actually powerful in a relationship, yet they have been given power to make decisions by society’s gender roles and women who are unable to shake them. Power isn’t necessarily a bad thing in relationships, though too much power that is one-sided can be detrimental – this causes toxic behaviours, control and manipulation to wreak havoc.

When women take power into their own hands, marvellous things can happen along with the building of confidence and self esteem; taking matters into your own hands helps start a chain reaction which helps you make decisions that benefit your life in all aspects.

Women making the first move

Thanks to the shift in traditional stereotypes of how our genders participate in relationships, women are becoming more work-focused and goal-oriented than ever, putting men and relationships in the ‘nice to haves’ category rather than a top priority. This makes females more choosy when it comes to who they date, and how they date – the confidence to ask a guy out is there, we just need to harness it!

What’s interesting is that while women might think asking men out is something taboo, most men actually prefer women to ask them out instead. Take the online dating app Bumble for example, it’s a fantastic and successful dating platform that lets women send the first message, making it easier for women to choose their matches while staying in power.

This works especially well because men often get signals from women wrong and women are infamous when it comes to sending mixed signals; he won’t know what you mean unless you spell things out for him. Yep, men are terrible at reading our minds even if you drop all the hints in the world!

Asking someone out isn’t out of the ordinary either, especially in the LGBTQIA+ community, it’s just heterosexuals who can’t shake these awful gender stereotypes. 

So, now you know that men prefer women to make the first move, let’s dive into how exactly you can do that:

Think before you act

Rather than diving right into asking someone out, you need to figure out exactly what you want out of this relationship and how to best approach the situation. Whether it’s someone you see on a regular basis, or that cute guy in the coffee shop, or someone you matched with on a dating app, you need to figure out when will be the right time to ask him out.

While technology might be helpful in getting information fast, it can be hard to knuckle down an answer to ‘will you go on a date with me?’ when it’s sent via message, though it’s hard to achieve if you’re asking out a Bumble date you’ve never met before. The best way to get a straight answer from your crush is to ask him in person when he isn’t busy or in a rush.

Now’s the time for details

Once you’ve plucked up the courage to ask your guy out on a date, you can keep it casual and conversational, but it needs to clearly be a date and not just a friendly catch up. Sometimes guys can be a bit unclear on whether you’re going out as friends or more than, so it’s a good idea to be specific with where and when you want to go.

Having a plan, like suggesting to see a movie at a certain time and catch dinner afterwards, rather than ‘let’s hang out whenever’ means you’ll get a clear answer of how he feels about you. Come prepared with a date idea, time and place, that way you don’t have to scramble to think on the spot, and he knows exactly what you’re looking for.

The rest lies within his answer

If he says yes, great! But be sure to set the date and follow up with it, you don’t want to make plans out loud and then it never happen and have to dreadfully reschedule – if he’s as eager as you are for the date, he’ll be sure to be there. Remember to keep it cool, have fun and be in the moment, and most importantly be your most authentic self.

On the other hand if he says no, that’s okay too. You’ve gotten your answer about how he views you and you need to respect his decision; sure, it’ll be a bit painful but it’s not the end of the world!

Remember that they aren’t rejecting you as a person, they just see you in a platonic way – you’re still the awesome girl they want to hang out with, it just means they weren’t right for you. Don’t let a single ‘no’ discourage you from asking guys out in future; the next time you ask someone out it’ll be easier, trust me it gets better with practice!