Newly single? Here are 4 tips on how to be ‘self partnered’ after a breakup.
While Emma Watson described herself as ‘self partnered’ instead of single heading into her 30s, she claims she’s very happy being single and thriving! If you’re newly single and have just come out of a long serious relationship, it’s probably difficult to relate to Ms. Watson right now, but trust us when we say there’s more to life than being coupled up.
Whether you’ve left an all-consuming partner or break your cycle of jumping from relationship to relationship, being single can offer more benefits than you might think. It’ll be tempting to go into a new relationship as it’s an easy coping mechanism to deal with pain from a previous partner – taking your non-addressed baggage to the next beau won’t help anyone.
Break ups bring a plethora of emotions from anger to sadness, relief to loneliness, betrayal to joy; you’ll experience a lot of different feelings at one time and find it easier to just ignore them completely with someone new.
You don’t have to be single and ready to mingle right away – it’s okay to be struggling after a break up. It will get easier as time passes and soon you’ll be reaping the rewards of having me-time including a new sense of freedom and positive effects of putting yourself first. Take a look at our 4 tips that will help you ease into single life and embrace being self-partnered!
Take time for other relationships
Rather than looking for your next meet-cute, make time for the people in your life that have been by your side through everything. We often ignore other relationships and give our partner the number one spot on our priority list when in a relationship, now it’s time to show some love to your loved ones.
Reconnect with friends and family with your newly found spare time and energy; they’re great to chat to or as a shoulder to cry on but don’t make it all about you. You’re there to establish a stronger bond that you’ve been neglecting, try going on adventures like taking a short road trip, doing a fun activity or having a night out. With solid connections outside of romantic relationships you’ll have a chance to be happy on your own and make memories that aren’t dependent on your romantic life.
Start riding solo
Breaking up can be an ugly scenario especially if you were living together. You’ll have to get used to sleeping alone, coming home to a quiet house and going to events with your plus one – another reason why people jump into a new relationship soon after a break up.
If doing everyday things solo isn’t your cup of tea, start with a small activity like shopping for groceries. It’s a good distraction and doesn’t take up a lot of time, plus you can start buying the stuff you want rather than things your partner wanted to eat, bonus!
When you’re more comfortable doing more on your own try something more daring like seeing a movie by yourself (more popcorn for you) or having dinner for one at your favourite eatery. Get ready for liberation and new-found confidence because you’re the best company you’ll ever need!
Finding your passions
Keeping busy is a great way to fill your spare time after a break up, rather than binge on Netflix and red wine, you can aim to do more productive activities you enjoy. There are a multitude of ways to keep yourself occupied without putting a dent in the couch!
Go to that yoga or pilates class you’ve been talking about, try a new recipe or learn a family member’s famous dish, or put a dent in your reading list. If you’re feeling particularly inspired take an online course and scratch your intellectual itch, sign up to a book club or catch up on podcasts while running errands. Take the time to figure out what you enjoy and how you want to spend your time without wasting it dwelling on your past relationship.
Don’t rush yourself
Just because others say you should dive back into dating, doesn’t mean you have to. You know yourself better than anyone and if you’re not ready to get back out there, don’t rush yourself – if you’re happy being single don’t be afraid to own it. Don’t feel pressured to download Bumble or go on that blind date, but if you are ready to date, check your behaviour and don’t rush into a new relationship.
Rather than having your heart broken all over again by a stranger on a dating app, try playing the field and see it as an opportunity to meet new people, instead of it being a hunt for your next partner. Rushing into a new relationship is a rebound in disguise; it doesn’t last because your past relationship trauma hasn’t been dealt with and taints your next relationship if you haven’t addressed your issues.
Take time to love yourself first before diving into the deep end of dating; be selfish and do things your way, look at the future with positivity and open mindedness, you’re back in control of your life!
Originally posted on Sporteluxe.