How to trust again after a failed relationship

I often get asked “how do I trust again after a failed relationship?” But what if I told you the answer goes deeper than you think?

Building trust is crucial in any relationship, as it’s a process that unfolds gradually over time. On the other hand, once trust is shattered, repairing it can be difficult. While cheating often springs to mind as an example of broken trust in a relationship, it isn’t the only way trust can be broken in a relationship.

Having a failed relationship doesn’t mean it should interfere with the trust of your next relationship. Instead it really depends on why the relationship ended in the first place; did it really fail? No… it just didn’t work out.

What is failure?

Instead of thinking of your relationship as a failure, I want you to flip the script. Failure is when a relationship doesn’t work out, and then you don’t get back up to try again. That’s really where the failure sits… not in the relationship breakdown, but when you don’t pull yourself back up and try again. Failure doesn’t sit in the relationship that didn’t last. Instead, the lessons sit in the relationship that didn’t last.

How do you overcome this feeling?

The main thing to acknowledge when a relationship has ended are the lessons you learned, both good and bad. When we start to acknowledge what went wrong, why it went wrong, and how you can do better next time, we can take a step back and not take things so personally. You may not like the learning, you may not like what’s showing up for you and your partner, but acknowledging the lessons in the relationship breakdown is where you’re able to overcome your fears and trust again.

When you start to look at every experience you have as a learning experience, it removes you as the issue. Instead of thinking “there’s something wrong with me”, you can acknowledge there was something wrong in the relationship that wasn’t working. There could have been something wrong with the dynamic of the relationship, but how can you take the whole responsibility of the blame! In this instance you’re totally forgetting about the other 50 percent in your relationship which is really unfair on you.

Trust yourself enough to be able to get up and try again, because that’s all you need. 

Final thoughts

I want you to take the learnings, acknowledge them and work through them. If something comes up for you, see a professional to help you work through it. They will help you work through questions like why didn’t it work, why you are taking the blame, and help you figure out how to show up better for the next person that comes along. At the end of the day, the more you know about yourself, the better your relationships are!