Is Once A Cheater Always A Cheater? We Ask An Expert.
It’s one of the most controversial topics that come up when talking about relationships, sex and love. Everyone has their own definition of what cheating is – some believe infidelity consists of purely physical connection, while others consider emotional attachment a form of cheating.
To define what cheating is and to find out if ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ is true or not, we need to look into why people cheat at all. Divided into three categories — the individual, the relationship, and the situation — we find out the motives behind cheating.
The Individual:
Some people possess certain personality traits that make them more prone to cheating and rightly fitting the ‘always a cheater’ stigma. This person can be in a relationship with anyone and still manage to find a way to cheat; it’s how they are wired. There are individual factors for why some people cheat, for the most part it has nothing to do with the victim and everything to do with the offenders own self-destructive tendencies.
Biologically, men are more likely to cheat due to their high levels of testosterone, meaning their hunger for sex is more at the forefront of their mind than a woman’s. Some are more likely to cheat if their personality traits include being less empathetic, disinterested or passive in most circumstances, and they to put their own needs before others. On the other hand, someone who is very religious, conservative or holds high moral standards are less likely to cheat due to their concrete belief system.
The Relationship:
Out of the majority of cheaters, most are likely to fall into this category – this might seem like a no-brainer but when you identify issues within a relationship it’s easier to find out why someone has cheated in the first place.
This category is less likely to have ‘always a cheater’ attached to the individual and relies more on the dynamic of the couple itself. Relationships that suffer from poor communication, dissatisfaction, and a lack of meaningful sex are at a higher risk of someone cheating.
As we highlighted men are biologically more likely to cheat, this doesn’t mean that women don’t cheat – they just do it differently. Women are emotional creatures; we want someone to listen and care, while men are seeking a physical animal-like connection. When women aren’t getting enough attention or love in a relationship they tend to find it somewhere else.
In these situations, women become emotionally invested in this new person as they feel noticed, appreciated and comfortable talking to them; this type of cheating can be done without any physical contact at first. For some women they are subconsciously looking for their next partner in this new person, while men that cheat are looking to satisfy their sexual desire as a quick-fix and happily return to their unknowing partner.
The likelihood of cheating also depends on how well-suited the couple is; people are more likely to experience infidelity if they have major differences in their personal lives. If they are from two very different backgrounds, have clashing personalities, don’t share much in common, or there’s a clear gap in their education levels, their relationship is more prone to infidelity.
Couples that fit with each other will enjoy alone time, have open lines of communication, have regular sex and complement one another’s personalities – these couples are the least likely to cheat as they are fulfilled by their relationship.
The Situation:
Someone can be in a healthy relationship and not have a personality prone to cheating, but there is a possibility they can be influenced by their surroundings. The nature of their work environment can play a role in how they respond to temptation; being amongst a lot of attractive people or delving into deep conversations as part of the job would be hard to resist for some.
If two people spend a lot of personal, alone time with each other during work hours it can make it more tempting to cheat also. Other factors such as an uneven gender ratio in the office or living in highly populated urban areas can increase the chances of an affair simply because the number of people they can cheat is higher.
What can I do to stop this from happening to my relationship?
Just because you may have identified with some factors doesn’t mean your partner is going to cheat on you. If you’re feeling worried, talk to your partner about what their idea of cheating is because it may be different to yours. Don’t be afraid to discuss what would hurt you if your partner were to engage with someone else as this is a great way to discuss boundaries. It’s best to have an open discussion so you can both remain happy in your relationship and avoid problems later on.
If you’re a victim of cheating, you’ve cheated, or your relationship has been impacted by infidelity, it’s best to seek help with a therapist or counsellor to talk it out.